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Awkward silence

An awkward silence is a pause in conversation that occurs when one or more participants feel compelled to speak but do not, creating a sense of discomfort or tension due to the violation of expected conversational norms.^[1] These silences typically arise in social interactions where smooth dialogue is anticipated, such as between acquaintances or strangers, and can last from a few seconds to longer periods, amplifying unease as participants pressure themselves to restore the flow.^[1] Psychologically, awkward silences trigger discomfort by disrupting constant social stimulation and prompting overthinking about potential rejection or social failure, often leading to physiological responses like increased heart rate.^[2] This unease stems from an evolutionary sensitivity to group exclusion, where silence signals disconnection and heightens anxiety about belonging.^[3] Research indicates that such silences are particularly aversive among strangers, where gaps exceeding two seconds reduce perceived enjoyment and connection, whereas among friends, longer pauses can enhance rapport and are rarely seen as awkward.^[4] Cultural norms significantly influence perceptions of awkwardness; for instance, Westerners often find pauses over four seconds uncomfortable, while in Japan, silences up to 8.2 seconds are tolerated as reflective or respectful.^[5] In professional or negotiation contexts, deliberate silences can exert subtle power, pressuring others to fill the void and potentially concede points.^[6] Studies, such as those from the University of Groningen, further underscore their stress-inducing nature in uncertain social dynamics.^[7]

Definition and Nature

Definition

An awkward silence is defined as an uncomfortable pause or lull in conversation, presentation, or social interaction, during which participants feel tension stemming from the perceived social pressure to resume speaking. This phenomenon occurs when a silence exceeds typical conversational norms, creating a sense of unease or embarrassment among those involved.^[8]^[1]^[9] In contrast to comfortable silence, which fosters relaxation and mutual understanding without discomfort, awkward silence involves heightened anxiety due to violated expectations of fluid dialogue. Comfortable silences often reflect rapport or contemplation, whereas awkward ones signal potential relational strain. In Western contexts, such pauses typically become awkward after lasting 4 seconds or more, with surveys indicating an average discomfort threshold around 6 seconds.^[10]^[1]^[9]^[11] The terminology "awkward silence" draws from the adjective "awkward," which emerged in Middle English around the mid-14th century, derived from Old Norse öfugr ("turned backwards" or "wrong way") combined with the suffix -weard, connoting clumsiness or maladroitness in direction or manner. Its application to social pauses gained prominence in social psychology during the 1980s, notably through conversational analysis studies like McLaughlin and Cody's 1982 examination of extended silences as lapses exceeding 4 seconds.^[12]^[9]

Characteristics

Awkward silence manifests through distinct physical and behavioral indicators that signal discomfort in social interactions. Common observable signs include fidgeting, such as shifting weight or playing with objects, averted eye contact to avoid perceived judgment, forced or nervous smiles, and reflexive actions like checking mobile devices to fill the void. These nonverbal cues often arise as individuals navigate the tension of an unexpected lull, reflecting heightened self-consciousness. Verbal attempts to resume conversation frequently begin with fillers like "um" or "uh," which serve as hesitation markers before speakers re-engage, helping to ease back into the flow without abruptness.^[13] These disfluencies are particularly prevalent in moments of uncertainty, underscoring the cognitive effort required to overcome the pause.^[14] In terms of duration and intensity, awkward silences in individualistic cultures, such as those in the United States, typically last 4 seconds or longer before discomfort intensifies.^[15] Observational studies, including analyses of group discussions, confirm that silences exceeding this threshold disrupt conversational rhythm and heighten negative emotions, distinguishing them from brief, functional pauses averaging 200-250 milliseconds.^[4] For instance, experimental manipulations inserting 4-second silences led to measurable drops in perceived belonging and increased arousal.^[16] Contextually, awkward silence emerges in dyadic encounters, like first dates, or small group settings, such as team meetings, where mutual rapport is anticipated but fails to materialize, amplifying the sense of disconnection.^[4] These occurrences are more pronounced among strangers than familiar pairs, where longer pauses may instead foster reflection without unease.^[4] Such silences often evoke social anxiety as a transient response, heightening internal pressure to restore interaction.^[17]

Psychological Dimensions

Individual Effects

Awkward silences often elicit immediate emotional responses such as heightened anxiety, embarrassment, and self-doubt among individuals. These reactions stem from the perception of silence as a breach in conversational flow, leading to feelings of unease when pauses exceed approximately four seconds in many Western contexts.^[16] For instance, research demonstrates that such pauses can trigger a sense of rejection, activating emotional distress tied to fears of social exclusion.^[15] On a cognitive level, experiencing awkward silence imposes significant mental load through rumination on perceived social failures. Individuals may obsess over what they said or failed to say, amplifying self-doubt and uncertainty about their social competence.^[1] This process is particularly pronounced in those prone to social anxiety, where awkward pauses are overestimated as catastrophic blunders, leading to heightened shame and embarrassment.^[17] From an evolutionary perspective, silence signals interpersonal uncertainty or disconnection, echoing ancestral pressures to maintain group harmony for survival, which intensifies cognitive discomfort in modern interactions.^[1] Over time, repeated exposure to awkward silences can contribute to long-term patterns of social avoidance, especially among those with underlying social anxiety tendencies. Such experiences reinforce negative self-perceptions, prompting individuals to withdraw from conversations or social settings to preempt further discomfort.^[17] This avoidance perpetuates a cycle where diminished social practice heightens vulnerability to future awkwardness, potentially worsening symptoms of social anxiety disorder.^[18] Awkward silences often impose relational strain by signaling disinterest or underlying conflict, which can erode trust in various interpersonal bonds. In friendships and professional teams, such pauses may foster perceptions of disengagement, leading to diminished collaboration and cohesion. For instance, in romantic contexts, a 2024 Preply survey of over 1,500 U.S. adults found that 83.9% of respondents experienced awkward silences on first dates, with 38.6% citing them as the most feared scenario due to the pressure to sustain conversation, often resulting in mismatched expectations about compatibility and interest.^[11] In group settings like meetings or presentations, awkward silences contribute to communication breakdowns by disrupting conversational flow and lowering collective morale. These pauses, typically exceeding three seconds, are frequently interpreted as a lack of engagement or nonverbal cues of discomfort, prompting participants to withdraw further or resort to superficial questions to restore rhythm. A seminal 1982 study by McLaughlin and Cody analyzed dyadic conversations and identified that such lapses follow minimal response patterns, which signal reduced involvement and exacerbate group tension without prompt intervention.^[19] While awkward silences predominantly heighten collective discomfort, they hold positive potential when reframed as reflective space, allowing groups to process information collaboratively. However, research indicates this reframing is rare without intentional guidance; instead, unaddressed pauses typically amplify unease and hinder relational depth. A 2024 study in Motivation and Emotion on couples' shared silences revealed that comfortable, intrinsic pauses enhance satisfaction and connection, but anxious ones—common in broader social dynamics—correlate with negative emotions and strained interactions.^[20]

Causes of Awkwardness

Conversational Triggers

Awkward silences often emerge from dialogue breakdowns, where the natural progression of conversation stalls due to the exhaustion of available topics or insufficient engagement from participants. When interlocutors run out of mutually interesting subjects, particularly in initial interactions, the flow halts, creating prolonged pauses that feel uncomfortable as speakers struggle to introduce new material without seeming forced.^[4] Research on conversational lapses indicates that such breakdowns are frequently preceded by minimal responses, such as one-word answers or brief acknowledgments, which signal disinterest or difficulty in expanding the discussion, thereby prompting extended silences as the initiator awaits further input that does not arrive.^[21] Ill-timed remarks that shift the dialogue to uncomfortable subjects, like politics, exacerbate this by introducing tension; studies show that discussions of divisive topics heighten anxiety and threat perceptions, leading participants to withdraw or hesitate, resulting in breakdowns where silence fills the void left by avoided rebuttals or clarifications.^[22] Mismatched communication styles further contribute to these silences by disrupting the rhythmic exchange expected in dialogue. When one participant dominates the conversation—monopolizing turns without yielding space—or withdraws into passivity, it creates unilateral pauses where the other struggles to insert contributions, violating norms of equitable turn-taking. Seminal work in conversation analysis outlines a systematic organization of turns designed to minimize gaps and overlaps, positing that smooth transitions rely on shared cues like syntax and prosody; deviations, such as prolonged monologues or abrupt silences from withdrawal, lead to awkward lulls as participants recalibrate to restore balance.^[23] Empirical studies confirm that slower response times associated with such mismatches correlate with diminished social connection, amplifying the discomfort of ensuing pauses in dyadic interactions.^[24] Expectation gaps in conversation, particularly during small talk, arise when assumptions about shared interests or relational norms go unmet, fostering hesitation and silence. Interlocutors often probe with questions anticipating reciprocal disclosure, but failure to receive expected elaboration—due to differing backgrounds or reluctance—creates a perceptual mismatch that heightens uncertainty and discomfort. Expectancy violations theory explains this dynamic, asserting that unanticipated behaviors, such as evasive or mismatched responses in casual exchanges, arouse evaluative processes that can negatively impact interaction if the violator is not perceived as rewarding, often culminating in pauses as speakers reassess engagement.^[25] In stranger dyads, these gaps are especially prone to awkwardness, as long pauses signal disconnection more acutely than in familiar relationships, underscoring the role of unmet expectations in precipitating conversational halts.^[4]

Contextual Factors

Environmental settings play a significant role in exacerbating awkward silences by heightening social pressure and self-consciousness. In noisy or distracting locations, background clamor can disrupt conversational flow, making pauses feel more pronounced and uncomfortable. Similarly, formal events like job interviews amplify awkwardness due to the structured expectations and unfamiliarity with participants, where silence is often interpreted as hesitation or lack of preparation. Temporal aspects further contribute to awkward silences by influencing cognitive resources and verbal output. Fatigue from prolonged mental exertion can impair verbal fluency and increase the likelihood of unintended pauses. Technological interruptions in modern communication introduce unique challenges to conversational rhythm. In virtual meetings, audio lag or technical glitches like muted microphones create unintended pauses that disrupt turn-taking, fostering uncertainty about when to speak and intensifying perceptions of awkwardness compared to in-person interactions.^[26] These delays, often lasting mere seconds, can mimic social rejection cues, a gap not fully addressed in earlier psychological analyses of silence.^[27]

Cultural and Historical Contexts

Cross-Cultural Variations

In high-context cultures, such as those in Japan and many Asian societies, silence is frequently embraced as a purposeful element of communication rather than an awkward void. The Japanese concept of ma refers to an intentional pause or interval that conveys meaning, reflection, and harmony, allowing space for unspoken understanding in interactions. ^[28] Research indicates that Japanese participants in business meetings tolerate silences averaging 8.2 seconds without discomfort, interpreting them as opportunities for thoughtful engagement. ^[6] Similarly, in Finland, a culture that values quietude, prolonged silences are seen as signs of respect, trust, and deep listening, encapsulated in the proverb "silence is gold, talking is silver." ^[29] These perceptions align with Edward T. Hall's framework of high-context communication, where nonverbal cues like silence carry significant implicit meaning. ^[30] In contrast, low-context cultures like those in the United States and much of Western Europe exhibit lower tolerance for silence, viewing pauses beyond 4 seconds as indicators of unease or failed rapport. ^[6] A cross-cultural study of British and Chinese participants found that while both groups used reply duration (a form of pause) to decode indirect responses in silent videos, British raters relied more heavily on it when evaluating in-group models, highlighting Western sensitivity to silence as a signal of hesitation or disengagement. ^[31] In Asian contexts, however, silence often signifies agreement, deference, or preservation of social harmony, differing from Western interpretations of it as potential conflict or boredom. ^[32] Global variations further illustrate these differences. Among Indigenous Australian communities, the practice of dadirri—a form of deep, quiet listening—integrates silence into storytelling and dialogue as a means of fostering respect, contemplation, and intergenerational knowledge transmission, where stillness enhances connection rather than disrupting it. ^[33] In Latin American cultures, which blend high-context subtlety with expressive verbal styles, animated talk predominates, and silence is typically perceived as a lack of enthusiasm or involvement, prompting quick resumption of conversation to maintain relational warmth. ^[34]

Evolution Over Time

In ancient Greek rhetoric, the ideal of eloquence centered on fluent and persuasive speech.^[35] This perspective positioned continuous verbal flow as essential to maintaining audience engagement and authority in public discourse. By the 19th century, Victorian etiquette manuals reinforced similar views in social settings; for instance, Florence Hartley's The Ladies' Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness (1860) explicitly advised conversants to "give the other person an opportunity to speak, but avoid silence, or answering in monosyllables," treating pauses in salons and polite gatherings as breaches of decorum that could lead to discomfort or social missteps.^[36] The 20th century marked a shift toward psychological scrutiny of conversational dynamics, beginning in the post-1950s era with the emergence of conversation analysis. Pioneering work by Harvey Sacks, Emanuel Schegloff, and Gail Jefferson in their 1974 paper formalized the study of turn-taking, identifying pauses as potential lapses that could disrupt interactional flow, though not always negatively. This analytical framework gained traction in the 1980s, with Margaret L. McLaughlin and Michael J. Cody's 1982 study examining "awkward silences" as behavioral antecedents and consequences, revealing that prolonged pauses often elicited anxiety, perceptions of incompetence, or relational tension among participants.^[37] These findings highlighted a growing recognition of silences as socially loaded phenomena rather than mere absences of speech. Entering the 21st century, the digital age has amplified perceptions of awkward silence through mediated communication, where video calls and social media interactions heighten discomfort from delayed responses or visible hesitations, as explored in analyses of virtual conversations.^[26] Concurrently, the rise of therapy culture since the late 20th century has reframed silence positively; in psychotherapy, intentional pauses are now employed as therapeutic tools to foster reflection and emotional processing, with studies showing they enhance client-therapist attachment and reduce distress when used judiciously.^[38] This evolution contrasts sharply with earlier stigmas, positioning silence in contemporary society as a potential space for introspection amid ongoing cultural variations in tolerance for pauses.^[39]

Strategies for Mitigation

Interpersonal Techniques

Interpersonal techniques for mitigating awkward silences emphasize proactive verbal and nonverbal actions to sustain conversational flow through direct human interaction. These methods draw from conversation analysis and social psychology, focusing on repair mechanisms that address pauses arising from topic exhaustion or miscommunication.^[40] Active strategies involve initiating or redirecting dialogue to reestablish momentum. One effective approach is posing open-ended questions, such as "What do you think about the latest developments in [shared interest]?" which encourage elaboration rather than brief responses and promote mutual engagement.^[41] Summarizing prior points, for instance by paraphrasing "It sounds like you're passionate about that experience," demonstrates attentiveness and invites further input, facilitating repair of conversational breakdowns.^[42] Sharing brief personal anecdotes related to the topic, like recounting a similar situation, can rebuild rapport by creating a sense of shared narrative without dominating the exchange.^[41] These techniques, rooted in self- and other-initiated repair processes identified in conversation analysis, help resolve silences by collaboratively clarifying or extending turns.^[43] Nonverbal cues play a crucial role in signaling continued interest during pauses, preventing them from escalating into discomfort. Maintaining steady eye contact conveys attentiveness and encourages the other person to resume speaking, as it fosters a perception of active listening.^[42] Subtle nodding or leaning slightly forward serves as affirmative feedback, prompting verbal continuations like "uh-huh" from the listener and reducing the awkwardness of gaps, particularly among strangers.^[44] These gestures align with nonverbal repair signals in social interaction, where physical indicators of engagement help sustain progressivity in dialogue.^[40] Preparation enhances the application of these techniques by building initial rapport in potentially silence-prone settings. Developing a repertoire of icebreakers, such as commenting on shared environmental observations like "This event seems lively—what brought you here?" establishes common ground early and preempts lulls.^[42] Anticipating conversation partners' interests through light research or planning three versatile open-ended questions beforehand allows for smoother transitions, drawing from psychological principles of reducing uncertainty in social exchanges. Such proactive steps, informed by studies on conversational dynamics, minimize the impact of contextual factors like unfamiliarity that can trigger silences.^[4]

Modern Tools and Aids

In the digital age, conversation starter apps have emerged as accessible tools to preempt awkward silences during social or professional interactions. For instance, Party Qs provides over 2,000 curated questions designed to spark engaging discussions, explicitly marketed to "punch awkward silences in the mouth" in group settings or one-on-one talks.^[45] Similarly, the Mingler app offers icebreaker prompts tailored for parties, meetups, or virtual gatherings, helping users maintain conversational flow without manual preparation.^[46] AI-powered generators further enhance this by creating customized prompts; tools like Easy-Peasy.AI's Conversation Starter Generator produce context-specific questions for meetings or networking events, drawing on user inputs to suggest relevant openers.^[47] For virtual meetings, where pauses can feel amplified due to latency or remote dynamics, AI assistants integrate prompt suggestions to sustain dialogue. Fellow.app's AI prompts, for example, enable users to query meeting notes for follow-up questions or topic recaps during live calls, reducing downtime and encouraging participation across platforms like Zoom or Teams.^[48] These tools leverage natural language processing to analyze conversation gaps and propose interventions, such as summarizing key points or generating icebreakers, thereby mitigating discomfort in hybrid work environments. Wearable devices and smartphone-based aids target social anxiety that often underlies awkward silences, providing real-time support. TouchPoints, bilateral tactile stimulation wearables, deliver alternating vibrations to reduce stress responses during interactions, with clinical evidence showing decreased anxiety in high-pressure social scenarios.^[49] Vibrotactile devices, like those tested in recent studies, use rhythmic patterns to calm users during conversations, offering a non-intrusive way to manage physiological arousal without disrupting dialogue.^[50] On smartphones, digital prompt cards via apps like Spill Cards function as virtual decks for icebreakers, allowing discreet access to questions that fill lulls in real-time discussions.^[51] Post-pandemic advancements in virtual reality (VR) have introduced immersive training for social anxiety, equipping users to handle silences more effectively. The VIRTUS program, a 2025 randomized controlled trial, uses VR exposure therapy for adolescents with elevated social anxiety, simulating social interaction scenarios to reduce social anxiety symptoms and improve coping skills.^[52] Similarly, group cognitive behavioral therapy combined with VR exposure, evaluated in a 2025 JMIR study, demonstrated significant reductions in social anxiety symptoms by practicing interactions in controlled virtual environments, with no significant differences compared to traditional in-vivo methods.^[53] These developments reflect a surge in VR applications since 2020, addressing isolation-induced skill gaps.

Depictions in Culture

In Film and Television

In the 1994 film Pulp Fiction, directed by Quentin Tarantino, a pivotal dinner scene between characters Mia Wallace and Vincent Vega explicitly contrasts comfortable and awkward silences, with Mia remarking on the societal compulsion to fill pauses with trivial conversation to avoid discomfort.^[54] Similarly, the U.S. version of The Office (2005–2013) frequently employs awkward silences as a recurring comedic device, particularly through the character of Michael Scott, whose ill-timed pauses after inappropriate jokes or failed attempts at rapport create prolonged, cringeworthy lulls that highlight office dysfunction.^[55]^[56] Thematic portrayals of awkward silence extend to cringe comedy in Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–2024), where creator and star Larry David uses extended pauses and social missteps to build escalating discomfort, turning everyday encounters into sources of vicarious embarrassment for the audience.^[57] These depictions heighten viewer discomfort by evoking vicarious embarrassment, allowing audiences to experience and process real-life social anxieties through a safe, narrative lens.^[58]

In Literature and Performing Arts

In literature, awkward silences often serve as potent symbols of existential disconnection and human isolation. Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot (1953) exemplifies this through its extended pauses, which underscore the characters' futile wait and the breakdown of meaningful communication, evoking a profound sense of the absurd and the void of existence.^[59] These silences, integrated into the dialogue's rhythm, highlight the play's exploration of language's inadequacy in conveying deeper truths, a technique that amplifies the existential tension between speech and its absence.^[60] Similarly, Jane Austen's novels depict awkward silences as markers of social faux pas and interpersonal discomfort within Regency-era etiquette. In Pride and Prejudice (1813), moments of reticence during conversations, such as those involving Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, imply underlying tensions and misunderstandings that arise from pride and prejudice, reflecting the era's rigid social norms.^[61] Austen's subtle implication of these pauses critiques the performative nature of polite society, where unspoken words reveal character flaws and relational strains without overt confrontation.^[62] In performing arts, awkward silences take on a dramatic intensity, particularly in theater. Harold Pinter's The Dumb Waiter (1957) employs what has become known as the "Pinter pause"—deliberate, elongated silences amid sparse dialogue—to build menace and uncertainty, forcing audiences to confront the unspoken threats lurking beneath the characters' banal exchanges.^[63] These pauses, a hallmark of Pinter's style, intensify the play's atmosphere of paranoia and power imbalance, where silence amplifies the irrational fears and hidden motivations of the protagonists.^[64] Symbolically, awkward silences in post-2000 literature represent unspoken tensions in multicultural settings. Zadie Smith's novels, such as White Teeth (2000), portray these pauses as indicators of cultural clashes and identity struggles among diverse immigrant communities, where silence encapsulates the friction between assimilation and heritage.^[65] In her works, such silences underscore the oppressive undercurrents of a ostensibly harmonious multicultural society, highlighting how unvoiced differences perpetuate isolation and misunderstanding.^[66]

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10 Most Profound Quotes in 'Pulp Fiction,' Ranked - Collider
Jun 15, 2025 · There's certainly a huge difference between an awkward silence and a comfortable one. People who don't know each other that well are more ...
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10 Best Michael Scott Quotes in 'The Office,' Ranked - Collider
Apr 7, 2024 · The awkward silences that follow make this scene, which has been passed around as a meme countless times now, more epic. 5 "You know what ...
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The Office: The 10 Cringiest Michael Scott Moments That Make Us ...
May 13, 2019 · Michael Scott is one awkward character, but sometimes, he has moments that are almost too cringe-worthy.<|control11|><|separator|>
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Wincing Time: The Cringe-Comedy Legacy of Larry David and 'Curb ...
Feb 1, 2024 · But Curb Your Enthusiasm differentiated itself by centering the miser, dialing up the cringe to an 11, and declining to apologize. The culture ...
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How 'The Good Place' Goes Beyond 'The Trolley Problem'
Oct 21, 2017 · In Season 2, the terrific NBC sitcom continues to explore ethics without sacrificing complexity or humor. By Elizabeth Yuko.
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The Psychology of Cringe Comedy: Why We Love to Watch What ...
Aug 18, 2022 · Psychologically, cringe comedy relies on the observer's sense of vicarious embarrassment, connecting to someone's predicament enough to feel on ...
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[PDF] foucault's discursive theory in waiting for godot
The silence in Godot proves significant in and of itself because it fully captures Beckett's concept of the break- down of communication, and it encourages the ...
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Towards A Deconstructive Text: Beyond Language And The Politics ...
Beckett's use of silence and pauses challenges traditional linguistic constructs in 'Waiting for Godot'. The text explores how absences in language signal the ...Missing: awkward | Show results with:awkward
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Silence, Suspension, and Desire in Jane Austen's Persuasion - jstor
Unlike in. Pride and Prejudice, however, silence in Persuasion is not something that marks the starting point of a burgeoning acquaintance between future lovers ...
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[PDF] silence in Jane Austen's Sense and sensibility, Mansfield Park, and ...
Apr 1, 2016 · This analysis posits that these novels contain two narrative threads: one social and one private. Austen's meta-project is to use the form ...
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(PDF) Silence in Pinter's Silence and The Dumb Waiter
Dec 20, 2019 · This paper investigates the notions of fear, uncertainty, menace and death evoked when characters pause or keep silent in Pinter's Silence and The Dumb Waiter.
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The Use Of Silences And Pauses In The Dumb Waiter
Jul 29, 2021 · His pause acts as the search for the unstated reality. In The Dumb Waiter pauses helps the author to dramatize, intensify and even typically ...
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Oppression in the “Happy” Multicultural Land in Zadie Smith's White ...
It depicts a multicultural society, yet it also reflects on the oppression experienced by certain characters, who are marginalized due to their differences from ...Missing: awkward | Show results with:awkward
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[PDF] Education and Black Female Identity in Zadie Smith's White Teeth and
In this novel, Smith's depiction of state multiculturalism emphasizes the detrimental effects of educational institutions rooted in colonialism on the identity ...