Cold shoulder

The cold shoulder is an English idiom denoting a deliberate display of unfriendliness, indifference, or dismissal toward someone, typically through ignoring or snubbing them to convey rejection or hostility.^[1] The phrase first appeared in print in 1816, in Sir Walter Scott's novel The Antiquary, where it describes a countess's subtle show of disdain: "The Countess’s dislike didna gang farther at first than just showing o’ the cauld shouther."^[2] Scott likely coined or popularized the expression, drawing on earlier notions of "stubborn shoulder" from biblical texts like Nehemiah 9:29, which metaphorically refers to defiance or turning away.^[3] By the 1820s, it gained wider use in Scott's St. Ronan's Well and soon entered broader English literature, as seen in Charles Dickens's The Old Curiosity Shop (1841), where it illustrates social rebuff.^[2] As a verb, "to cold-shoulder" emerged around 1843, meaning to treat someone with deliberate coldness, and it has since become a common way to describe passive-aggressive avoidance in personal, professional, or social contexts.^[4] Despite popular folk theories linking it to serving unwanted guests a literal cold shoulder of mutton as an inhospitable gesture, no historical evidence supports this etymology, and scholars attribute its rise to Scott's influence on idiomatic English.^[2] The expression remains prevalent today, often evoking emotional distance or subtle conflict resolution through nonverbal cues.

Definition and Meaning

Primary Definition

The idiom "cold shoulder" refers to the deliberate act of treating someone with intentional coolness, disregard, or hostility, typically without overt confrontation, often manifested through ignoring them or providing only minimal engagement.^[5] This form of social interaction emphasizes subtle rejection rather than direct conflict, serving as a non-verbal or minimally verbal method to express displeasure or distance.^[3] Key characteristics of giving someone the cold shoulder include subtle social exclusion, such as averted gazes, curt responses, or deliberate avoidance of interaction, which align with passive-aggressive behaviors aimed at conveying resentment indirectly.^[6] These cues create an atmosphere of indifference that can feel exclusionary without escalating to argument, often leaving the recipient uncertain about the underlying issue.^[7] The meaning of the idiom has remained consistent since its first recorded use in 1816 by Sir Walter Scott, consistently denoting social rejection through feigned indifference rather than any literal reference to physical coldness.^[8]^[3] This stability underscores its role as a figurative expression for interpersonal dismissal across various contexts.^[5]

Variations and Contexts

The idiom "cold shoulder" manifests in several common phrasings that convey deliberate indifference toward another person. The most prevalent variation is "give someone the cold shoulder," which describes intentionally ignoring or treating an individual in an unfriendly manner.^[9] Other forms include "get the cold shoulder," indicating the experience of such treatment, and "turn a cold shoulder," a less frequent but synonymous expression emphasizing dismissal.^[10]^[11] Additionally, "cold-shoulder" functions as a verb, meaning to treat someone with deliberate unfriendliness.^[12] In interpersonal contexts, such as friendships or romantic relationships, the idiom often applies to subtle acts of avoidance following disagreements, like refusing to engage in conversation or showing emotional distance.^[9] For instance, after an argument, one partner might give the other the cold shoulder by withholding affection or responses, signaling disapproval without direct confrontation.^[13] Professionally, the phrase describes workplace snubs, where colleagues intentionally exclude someone from discussions or opportunities to express discontent or maintain distance.^[11] This might occur when a team member receives the cold shoulder from superiors after a perceived mistake, manifesting as overlooked contributions or minimal interaction during meetings.^[14] Socially, the idiom captures group exclusion at events or gatherings, where individuals are deliberately sidelined to enforce social boundaries.^[13] Examples include ignoring a newcomer at a party or turning away from someone in a community setting, thereby isolating them without overt aggression.^[15] The core nuance of the cold shoulder lies in its subtlety compared to outright hostility; it involves intentional but understated indifference, often through nonverbal cues like averted gaze or curt replies, rather than explicit confrontation. This distinguishes it as a passive form of rejection that wounds through omission. Regarding regional differences, the idiom appears in both British and American English with similar meanings, though corpus analyses show slightly higher frequency in American usage (190 instances in U.S. historical texts from 1833–2011 versus 136 in British parliamentary records from 1837–2002), and it tends toward more casual slang in American contexts while retaining a formal tone in British ones.^[11]^[16]

Etymology and Origins

First Recorded Use

The first recorded use of the idiom "cold shoulder," in the variant form "cauld shouther," appears in Sir Walter Scott's 1816 novel The Antiquary, where it is employed in Scots dialect to convey deliberate unfriendliness or social dismissal.^[17]^[18] In the narrative, the phrase occurs during a conversation among characters discussing past social tensions in a Scottish coastal community. A character recounts how the Countess of Glenallan initially expressed her disapproval of Eveline Neville's budding relationship with the protagonist by merely "showing o' the cauld shouther," before escalating to overt hostility that forced Neville to seek refuge elsewhere. The relevant excerpt reads:

“O, doubly did she hate Eveline Neville when she perceived that there was a growing kindness atween you and that unfortunate young leddy! Ye may mind that the Countess’s dislike did na gang farther at first than just shewing o’ the cauld shouther—at least it wasna seen farther; but at the lang run it brak out into such downright violence that Miss Neville was even fain to seek refuge at Knockwinnock castle with Sir Arthur’s leddy.”^[17]

Scott's glossary for the novel defines the term as "Appear cold and reserved," underscoring its figurative sense of aloofness rather than a literal physical action.^[17] Sir Walter Scott, a prominent Scottish novelist and poet, significantly influenced the incorporation of Scottish expressions into standard English through his historical fiction, which drew on Border dialects and regional vernacular to enrich broader literary usage.^[19]

Theories of Origin

The primary theory regarding the origin of the idiom "cold shoulder" posits that it derives from medieval hospitality practices in Scotland and northern England, where hosts would serve unwelcome or overstaying guests a cold shoulder of mutton—a cheap, inferior cut of meat served cold—rather than a hot, more desirable meal, signaling disdain or a subtle request for departure.^[20]^[21] This hypothesis is the most frequently cited in etymological discussions, often linked to Scottish customs due to the phrase's early appearance in Scots dialect, though no direct historical evidence confirms the practice as the source.^[2] An alternative theory suggests the idiom arose from a mistranslation in 16th-century English renderings of the Vulgate Bible, specifically Nehemiah 9:29, where the Latin "dederunt umerum recedentem" (meaning "they gave a retreating shoulder" or turned their backs stubbornly) was misinterpreted as implying a "cold shoulder" of indifference.^[22] This interpretation draws on the biblical imagery of rejection but lacks substantiation in early textual records and is considered speculative. Other hypotheses include possible connections to 18th-century Scottish social rebuffs, where turning one's shoulder physically conveyed dismissal, or to theater slang denoting audience indifference, but these remain unsubstantiated with scant pre-1816 evidence. Overall, while the hospitality theory dominates scholarly and popular etymologies, it is widely regarded as a folk etymology without verifiable proof, and the phrase's first printed evidence appears in Sir Walter Scott's 1816 novel The Antiquary.^[2] Modern inventions, such as 19th-century prison practices involving isolation as a form of "cold shouldering," have been rejected due to chronological inconsistencies with the idiom's documented emergence.^[2]

Historical Usage

19th-Century Examples

Following its initial appearance in Sir Walter Scott's 1816 novel The Antiquary, where a character describes a countess's disdain as "just showing o' the cauld shouther," the idiom "cold shoulder" quickly spread through 19th-century British literature, transitioning from Scottish dialect to standard English usage. This early adoption reflected a growing recognition of subtle social rejection as a common interpersonal dynamic. By the 1840s, the phrase had become more entrenched, appearing as a verb in Thomas Hood's 1843 poem "A Drop of Gin," which laments how society would "snub, neglect, cold-shoulder, and cut" the impoverished, highlighting indifference toward the lower classes.^[23] Charles Dickens further popularized the idiom in his 1844 novel Martin Chuzzlewit, where a character boasts, "Let me see the man who should give the cold shoulder to anybody I chose to protect and patronise," using it to depict protective loyalty amid social hierarchies. The phrase also featured in periodicals, such as an 1853 issue of Punch magazine, which titled a satirical honeymoon sketch "The Blade of the 'Cold Shoulder,'" employing it to humorously convey spousal aloofness.^[24] These literary instances illustrate the idiom's integration into everyday narrative, often to portray interpersonal slights in urban and domestic settings. In Victorian society, "cold shoulder" encapsulated class-based disdain, particularly how the upper and middle classes expressed contempt toward social inferiors or moral outcasts. For instance, reformers like A. R. R. Preston critiqued middle-class women for turning "a cold shoulder" to "fallen women" involved in prostitution, thereby exacerbating their isolation and reinforcing rigid social boundaries.^[25] This usage underscored the era's emphasis on propriety and exclusion, where deliberate indifference served as a tool for maintaining status distinctions without overt confrontation. Corpus analyses confirm the idiom's rising frequency from the 1820s onward, with early citations in the Oxford English Dictionary tracing its evolution, and the Corpus of Historical American English (COHA) recording 190 instances from 1833 to 1900, peaking in the 1870s and 1890s as it crossed the Atlantic.^[8] Similarly, the Hansard parliamentary corpus logs 136 British uses starting in 1839, including references to diplomatic snubs like "given the cold shoulder to the complaints of the British merchants," indicating its adaptation to public and political discourse.^[11] These patterns demonstrate a shift from regional origins to widespread idiomatic acceptance by mid-century.

20th- and 21st-Century Evolution

In the 20th century, the idiom "cold shoulder" experienced a marked increase in colloquial usage within American English, particularly during the Jazz Age of the 1920s, when it commonly signified social or romantic refusal. This period's slang glossaries identify it as equivalent to "icy mitt," denoting a lover's rejection amid the era's flapper culture and social experimentation. F. Scott Fitzgerald incorporated the phrase into his 1923 short story "A Freeze-Out," where characters discuss receiving the "cold shoulder" due to scandal, embedding it in literary portrayals of interpersonal disdain. By around 1900, the expression had solidified as a metaphor for deliberate unfriendliness, per historical idiom compilations. Following World War II, its connotation increasingly aligned with romantic rejection in everyday language and media, reflecting broader shifts toward emphasizing emotional intimacy in relationships. Entering the 21st century, the idiom adapted to digital contexts, with "ghosting"—the sudden cessation of communication without explanation—functioning as a modern, virtual variant of the cold shoulder. Psychological research on ghosting experiences notes that recipients often report prior in-person instances of cold shouldering, such as deliberate ignoring, amplifying the emotional sting in online dating scenarios. Corpus linguistics analysis via Google Ngram Viewer indicates a notable rise in the phrase's frequency in English books from 2000 onward, underscoring its growing prominence in discussions of interpersonal dynamics. The idiom's global dissemination has paralleled these shifts, appearing in non-English languages like French, where "épaule froide" directly mirrors "cold shoulder" to convey indifference or rebuff. In popular psychology texts on relationships, it is frequently analyzed as a harmful tactic of emotional withdrawal; for instance, meta-analyses of marital conflict link cold shouldering—via silent treatment or minimal responsiveness—to heightened dissatisfaction and dissolution risk, advising open communication as a countermeasure.

Cultural and Literary References

In Literature

In Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (1813), the concept of social indifference akin to the modern "cold shoulder" manifests in Mr. Darcy's initial aloofness toward Elizabeth Bennet at the Meryton ball, where he dismisses her as "tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me" and refuses to dance with her, highlighting class-based exclusion in Regency society. This deliberate snub underscores Elizabeth's feelings of marginalization, as she later reflects on the "mortifying" experience of being overlooked by the elite newcomers. Although predating the idiom's recorded use, such instances illustrate early literary explorations of emotional distancing through social hierarchy, evolving from 19th-century customs of polite disdain. Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) employs themes of social exclusion that parallel the "cold shoulder," particularly in the dehumanizing treatment of Jim, the enslaved man, by white society along the Mississippi River. Huck witnesses Jim's isolation when the fraudulent "duke" and "king" exploit him without regard, forcing Jim into subservient silence and reinforcing racial barriers that render him invisible to the dominant group. This narrative device emphasizes broader societal indifference, as Huck notes the "cold" rejection Jim faces from passersby who view him as property rather than person, amplifying the novel's critique of pre-Civil War alienation. In modern literature, J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye (1951) captures adolescent alienation through protagonist Holden Caulfield's perception of being perpetually given the "cold shoulder" by an adult world he deems phony. Holden's encounters, such as his failed date with Sally Hayes where she dismisses his emotional plea to run away, evoke a profound sense of rejection, as he laments, "People never notice anything," reflecting his isolation amid urban indifference. This motif drives the novel's exploration of youthful disconnection, where casual snubs compound Holden's internal exile. Toni Morrison's works, particularly Beloved (1987), integrate the "cold shoulder" into depictions of racial dynamics, as seen in the black community's shunning of Sethe after her infanticide to escape slavery. The neighbors, intent on punishing her perceived arrogance, deliberately ignore her for eighteen years, a calculated emotional isolation that Morrison uses to illustrate the lingering traumas of communal betrayal in post-emancipation America. The idiom and its conceptual equivalents in literature often symbolize emotional isolation, serving as a narrative tool to convey interpersonal rifts and societal fractures. In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth's retort to Darcy's snub—"He is a disagreeable, horrid man"—reveals the sting of indifference, interpreting it as prideful contempt that isolates individuals within social circles. Similarly, in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Huck's observation of Jim's plight—"They was going to sell him down to Orleans"—highlights exclusion as a mechanism of control, where silence from authorities deepens Jim's solitude on the raft. Holden's monologue in The Catcher in the Rye, "I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff... and all I have to do is catch everybody," interprets pervasive coldness as a fall into loneliness, urging protection from societal detachment. In Beloved, the community's avoidance is evoked through Sethe's reflection: "They forgot her and she almost forgot them," portraying the cold shoulder as a collective amnesia that erodes identity and healing. These excerpts collectively demonstrate how the motif fosters tension, revealing characters' vulnerabilities and critiquing power imbalances in human relations.

In Media and Popular Culture

The idiom "cold shoulder" has been depicted in various films and television shows to illustrate interpersonal tension, particularly in romantic or social contexts. In the American sitcom Friends (1994–2004), the phrase appears in season 3, episode 3 ("The One with the Jam"), where Rachel Green deliberately ignores Ross Geller by giving him the cold shoulder after a disagreement, highlighting relational strain among friends.^[26] These instances use the idiom to convey deliberate emotional distance in everyday scenarios. In music, the "cold shoulder" motif often contrasts with warmth or explores themes of betrayal and emotional detachment. Katy Perry's 2008 hit "Hot n Cold" from the album One of the Boys plays on fluctuating affections, with lyrics like "You're hot then you're cold" evoking the idiom's sense of inconsistency without directly quoting it, becoming a cultural shorthand for erratic relationships. In hip-hop, the phrase appears more literally in tracks addressing disloyalty; for example, Central Cee's 2022 song "Cold Shoulder" from the mixtape 23 reflects on personal progress amid familial loyalty and external coldness, with lines like "God knows my intention, I sin for the sake of progress."^[27] Likewise, Moneybagg Yo's 2020 track "Cold Shoulder" from Time Served describes emotional numbness toward adversaries, stating "Forced me to go numb, I give 'em cold shoulder," emphasizing resilience against betrayal. Gucci Mane's 2018 collaboration "Cold Shoulder" featuring YoungBoy Never Broke Again further uses it to denote indifference in street conflicts. Beyond scripted media, the idiom influences digital culture and consumer trends. On TikTok, #ColdShoulder has amassed millions of views since the platform's rise around 2015, featuring user-generated content like dance challenges mimicking indifference—such as the "Cold Shoulder" move involving shoulder shrugs and turns—and skits dramatizing social snubs.^[28] In advertising and fashion, the term inspired the "cold shoulder" top trend, which exposes shoulders via cutouts, ironically subverting the idiom's chilliness for allure; popularized in the 2010s by designers like Donna Karan and worn by figures such as Hillary Clinton in the 1990s, it peaked in 2016 street style.^[29]^[30] This stylistic adoption extends the idiom into visual pop culture, blending linguistic heritage with modern aesthetics.

Similar Expressions

Several idioms in English parallel the "cold shoulder," which denotes deliberate unfriendliness or social rejection, by expressing forms of ignoring or excluding others. The phrase "give someone the silent treatment" refers to intentionally withholding communication as a punitive measure, often extending over a longer period than the abrupt dismissal implied by the cold shoulder; it emerged in the 19th century, possibly drawing from U.S. prison reform practices where silence replaced physical punishment.^[31] "Cut someone dead" means to deliberately pretend not to recognize or acknowledge an acquaintance, emphasizing a complete social snub; this expression traces to early 19th-century British usage of "cut" as a verb for social exclusion, with "dead" intensifying the finality of the ignore.^[32] Similarly, "freeze someone out" describes excluding a person from a group through cold, distant behavior; it first appeared in American English in the 1850s, metaphorically extending the literal sense of freezing to social isolation.^[33] Internationally, equivalent expressions reflect cultural attitudes toward rejection, often favoring indirectness to maintain harmony. In French, "battre froid à quelqu'un" (to beat cold to someone) conveys treating another with deliberate chilliness or disdain, mirroring the cold shoulder's unfriendliness; this idiom, dating to at least the 19th century, uses "battre" (to strike) metaphorically for emotional impact.^[34] A related phrase, "tourner le dos à quelqu'un" (to turn one's back on someone), implies rejection by physically or figuratively showing one's back, highlighting avoidance in social contexts; its origins are literal, rooted in everyday gestures of dismissal from historical French usage.^[35] In Japanese, "te no hira o kaesu" (to turn over the palm of one's hand) signifies abruptly shifting to a cold or rejecting attitude, akin to turning away; this traditional idiom underscores Japan's cultural preference for subtle, non-confrontational expressions of disapproval, with the hand-turn evoking a sudden reversal in demeanor.^[36]

Expression	Language	Meaning	Origin
Give the silent treatment	English	Prolonged withholding of communication as punishment	19th century, linked to U.S. prison reform alternatives to physical discipline^[31]
Cut someone dead	English	Pretending not to see or acknowledge someone	Early 19th century, from British social "cut" for snubbing^[32]
Freeze someone out	English	Excluding via unfriendly distance	1850s American English, metaphorical use of "freeze" for isolation^[33]
Battre froid à quelqu'un	French	Treating with deliberate coldness or disdain	19th century or earlier, metaphorical "beating" of emotional cold^[34]
Tourner le dos à quelqu'un	French	Rejecting by turning away or ignoring	Historical literal gesture of dismissal, extended figuratively
Te no hira o kaesu	Japanese	Sudden shift to unfriendly or rejecting attitude	Traditional, symbolizing palm-turn as abrupt demeanor change^[36]

Psychological Implications

The cold shoulder, as a form of social ostracism, profoundly impacts psychological well-being by threatening core human motivations for social connection. According to the belongingness hypothesis, humans possess a fundamental need to form and maintain enduring, positive interpersonal relationships, and disruptions such as exclusion trigger emotional distress, including loneliness and reduced self-worth.^[38] This need is so pervasive that even brief instances of being ignored activate neural pathways associated with physical pain, underscoring ostracism's role in signaling social separation and rejection.^[39] For recipients, receiving the cold shoulder often results in heightened stress, diminished self-esteem, and intense feelings of rejection. Experimental paradigms like Cyberball, a virtual ball-tossing game simulating exclusion, demonstrate that participants ostracized for just minutes report immediate increases in sadness, anger, and hurt, alongside threats to their sense of belonging, control, and meaningful existence.^[40] These effects can escalate with prolonged exposure, leading to chronic outcomes such as depression and helplessness, as the ongoing denial of social attention depletes coping resources and reinforces perceptions of unworthiness.^[39] From the giver's perspective, employing the cold shoulder may serve as a means of asserting power or punishing in relational contexts, yet it can also evoke guilt, particularly when motivated by self-defense rather than retribution. Recent studies indicate that ostracizers experience varied emotions based on intent: punitive motives heighten anger and pride, while defensive ones amplify guilt and anxiety, potentially reducing the desire to persist with the behavior.^[41] Meta-analyses on aggression reveal small gender differences in passive strategies, with women slightly more inclined toward indirect forms like ignoring others compared to direct confrontation.^[42]