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Jia Tolentino

Jia Angeli Carla Tolentino (born November 20, 1988) is a writer and editor of Filipino descent, recognized for her essays examining self-delusion, digital culture, and social dynamics in contemporary America as a staff writer for since 2016. Born in , , to parents who immigrated from the , Tolentino was raised in , , within an evangelical Christian environment that later influenced her reflections on religion and excess. She graduated from the in 2009 with degrees in English and political and social thought, served in the in , and obtained an MFA in fiction from the between 2012 and 2014. Tolentino's career trajectory included freelance copywriting and early roles in online media before her tenure at The New Yorker, where her pieces on phenomena like Instagram aesthetics and abortion have garnered National Magazine Awards, including one in 2023 for essays on the latter topic. Her 2019 debut collection, Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion, a New York Times bestseller, dissects themes of feminism, reality television, and online scams, earning her the 2020 Whiting Award in nonfiction. While praised for incisive cultural , Tolentino's work has drawn criticism for and for framing personal anecdotes as broader societal analysis, occasionally overlooking empirical rigor in favor of introspective narratives that align with media orthodoxies.

Early Life and Education

Family Background and Upbringing

Jia Tolentino was born in , , , to parents who had immigrated from the . Her parents relocated to in the mid-1980s before her birth. At the age of four, while in early , her family moved to , , where she spent the remainder of her childhood. In , Tolentino's upbringing was deeply shaped by her family's devout evangelical faith, with her parents actively involved in a Southern Baptist . permeated her early life, as she participated in the church's community activities, which emphasized strict moral and behavioral standards influenced by both evangelical Christianity and Filipino cultural values. This environment fostered a rigorous household dynamic, where parental expectations aligned with traditional immigrant aspirations for discipline and achievement.

Academic Pursuits and Influences

Tolentino completed her undergraduate education at the , earning a in 2009 with majors in English and political and social thought. Her studies emphasized literary analysis alongside examinations of and social structures, reflecting an early integration of craft with critical inquiry into societal dynamics. She subsequently pursued graduate studies in , obtaining a in fiction from the between 2012 and 2014. The program focused on developing proficiency in narrative techniques and , aligning with her later nonfiction work that draws on fictional elements for structural depth. As part of her MFA training, Tolentino instructed undergraduate courses in and academic composition, gaining practical experience in that informed her editorial approach. Specific academic mentors or professorial influences from these institutions remain undocumented in available biographical accounts, though her at emphasized fiction workshops typical of such programs, fostering skills in character development and thematic exploration. Tolentino's choice of fully funded MFA programs underscores a deliberate pursuit of advanced literary training amid economic constraints post-undergraduate.

Professional Career

Initial Roles in Digital Media

Tolentino began her professional writing career in following her service in the in from 2009 to 2011. Upon returning to the around 2011, she initially contributed freelance pieces to online outlets, including a personal essay for The Billfold in June 2012 reflecting on her experience. In 2012, she started as an unpaid contributor to The Hairpin, a Gawker Media-affiliated website focused on women's perspectives with a distinctive, irreverent voice that emphasized personal essays and cultural commentary. By 2013, her involvement deepened as she wrote regularly for the site, producing content on topics ranging from personal anecdotes to cultural critiques. During this period, she advanced to the role of contributing editor at The Hairpin, assisting with content selection and editorial direction under editor Emma Carmichael. Concurrently, Tolentino contributed music journalism to , an online publication specializing in reviews and features; her early pieces there included profiles and album critiques, such as a 2015 review of ' album Wake Up!, which highlighted her emerging style blending with wry observation. These roles established her in the ecosystem of early-2010s digital media, where she honed skills in rapid, audience-engaged writing amid the era's emphasis on , confessional content.

Key Editorial Positions

Tolentino served as a contributing editor at The Hairpin, a women's culture website, from 2013 to 2014. In this role, she contributed to content selection and editing, including reviewing personal narrative submissions, during a period when the site was led by Emma Carmichael. Her involvement began with freelance writing for the publication in 2013, reflecting her early focus on and cultural commentary. In 2014, Tolentino transitioned to Jezebel, a Gawker Media feminist blog, as deputy editor under Carmichael, who had become . She held this position for approximately two years, until 2016, overseeing editorial operations, including story development on topics like celebrities, sex, and politics. During her tenure, Jezebel maintained a reputation for sharp, unfiltered feminist discourse, with Tolentino contributing to its redefinition of online commentary on gender and culture. These roles at The Hairpin and Jezebel marked her primary editorial experience in digital media prior to her writing-focused position at .

Staff Writer at The New Yorker

Tolentino joined as a staff writer in 2016, following her tenure as deputy editor at . In this role, she produces long-form essays and reporting on contemporary , , and social issues, often blending with broader societal analysis. Her contributions have appeared regularly in the magazine's print and online editions, addressing topics such as the psychological impacts of , consumer trends, and political phenomena. Among her notable pieces is "The Age of Instagram Face," published on December 12, 2019, which examines how digital filters, apps like , and cosmetic procedures have converged to promote a homogenized aesthetic ideal across platforms. Another prominent article, "Losing Religion and Finding Ecstasy in ," from May 20, 2019, draws on her upbringing to explore evangelical subcultures and the pursuit of spiritual highs in . More recently, "My Brain Finally Broke," published on May 3, 2025, reflects on mental overload in the digital age through introspective reportage. Tolentino's work at earned her a National Magazine Award in 2023 for columns and essays on , recognizing her coverage of post-Roe v. Wade legal and cultural shifts. Her pieces frequently critique the interplay between individual experiences and systemic forces, such as in explorations of , culture, and formation, maintaining a focus on empirical observations of modern life rather than prescriptive advocacy. This output has solidified her position as a key voice in the magazine's cultural criticism, with over 100 articles contributed by mid-2025.

Major Works

Essays and Long-Form Journalism

Tolentino's essays and , primarily published in since her tenure as a beginning in 2016, often interrogate the psychological and social ramifications of digital technologies, reproductive autonomy, and evolving norms of and motherhood. Her pieces characteristically weave autobiographical elements with broader cultural analysis, drawing on personal experiences to illuminate systemic patterns in contemporary . Early in her career, Tolentino addressed the shifting landscape of online writing in "The Personal-Essay Boom Is Over," published May 25, 2017, where she attributed the decline of confessional internet essays to post-2016 , which prioritized utility over introspection amid urgent real-world crises. In December 2019, her essay "The Age of " dissected how platforms like , combined with apps such as and widespread cosmetic procedures, have fostered a homogenized, algorithmically optimized female appearance, reducing individuality to a "cyborgian" uniformity driven by metrics and consumer incentives. Tolentino's writing on gained prominence with the July 11, 2022, "Is Abortion Sacred?," which framed not merely as a legal or medical issue but as a profound ethical and existential practice intertwined with themes of sacrifice and bodily agency, challenging both religious absolutism and secular minimization. Related works, including "We Are Not Going Back to the Time Before . We Are Going Somewhere Worse" from July 4, 2022, contributed to her receiving a 2023 National Magazine Award for columns and on . More recent contributions include "The Hidden- Experiment" on May 4, 2024, recounting her deliberate concealment of a pregnancy to gauge public perceptions of maternal vulnerability, and "My Brain Finally " on May 3, 2025, which chronicles a perceptual induced by relentless social-media consumption, portraying time as fragmented into feed-like increments. These pieces underscore her recurring focus on how technology and ideology erode authentic self-perception.

Book Publication: Trick Mirror

Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion is a collection of nine original essays by Jia Tolentino, published in hardcover by , an imprint of , on August 6, 2019. The book spans 303 pages and focuses on amid cultural pressures, drawing from Tolentino's personal experiences and broader societal observations. The essays interlink to probe how incentives in modern life distort self-perception, covering topics such as internet-mediated identity, reality television's performative demands, the imperative to constantly optimize personal and professional output, portrayals of female protagonists in fiction, the effects of the drug ecstasy (MDMA), generational susceptibility to scams, and the societal valuation of "difficult" women. Specific pieces include "The I in the Internet," which examines how online platforms foster fragmented self-presentation; "Reality TV Me," recounting Tolentino's brief stint on a reality show; "Always Be Optimizing," critiquing wellness and productivity cultures as extensions of capitalist extraction; "Pure Heroines," analyzing ambiguity in literary heroines; "Ecstasy," reflecting on the substance's role in emotional processing; "The Story of a Generation in Seven Scams," tracing millennial economic disillusionment through frauds like Fyre Festival; and "The Cult of the Difficult Woman," dissecting cultural ambivalence toward assertive female figures. Upon release, garnered significant praise for its incisive cultural commentary, earning placements on year-end best books lists from outlets including and Time. It was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle’s John Leonard Prize for a first book in any genre and the PEN/Diamonstein-Spielvogel Award for the Art of the Essay. Reviews highlighted its wit and unflinching analysis, with describing it as a "bold and playful collection" on subjects like , drugs, and , though some critics, such as in the London Review of Books, questioned its stylistic reliance on humor and personal anecdote over deeper structural critique.

Intellectual Stance and Opinions

Critiques of Internet and Consumer Culture

In her 2019 essay collection : Reflections on Self-Delusion, Tolentino portrays the as a primary driver of self-delusion, where platforms incentivize users to construct optimized, performative versions of themselves for algorithmic validation rather than genuine interaction or change. She contends that this dynamic distorts identity formation, as early internet freedoms gave way to social media's commodification of personal narratives, turning individual experiences into content optimized for shares and likes. Tolentino illustrates this with examples from millennial life, arguing that online expression often substitutes for action, such as in social movements where hashtags amplify visibility but fail to address structural barriers—like the National Rifle Association's financial influence amid post-mass-shooting outrage—creating an illusion of moral progress without tangible outcomes. Tolentino extends her analysis to consumer culture's entanglement with digital spaces, critiquing how economic precarity and online marketing foster exploitative schemes that prey on aspirations for . In the "The Story of a Generation in Seven Scams," she dissects companies like , which boomed in the by leveraging to recruit women into pyramid-like structures promising through leggings sales, but resulting in widespread inventory losses estimated at millions for participants by 2016 lawsuits. These platforms, she argues, mirror broader internet-enabled by blending personal empowerment rhetoric with predatory economics, where users become both consumers and unwitting salespeople in a cycle of debt and disillusionment. Her essay "Athleisure, Barre, and : The Tyranny of the Ideal Woman" targets consumerism as a distilled form of this delusion, where brands like —valued at $10.6 billion by 2019—market stretchy apparel not merely for utility but as symbols of aspirational discipline, eroticizing the female form while enforcing norms of perpetual self-optimization amid stagnant wages and rising body standards. Tolentino links this to digital amplification, where influencers normalize smoothies and barre classes as markers of moral virtue, commodifying health into aesthetic performance that burdens women with unattainable ideals of productivity and thinness. More recently, in a July 2025 New Yorker newsletter essay on the Labubu toy craze—tiny monster figurines from Pop Mart that generated $1.8 billion in revenue by 2024, fueled by TikTok unboxings and celebrity endorsements like Blackpink's Lisa—Tolentino decries consumer culture's descent into "dramatic swan dives into a sort of giddy meaninglessness," where internet virality accelerates disposable obsessions, rendering both products and human desires inherently transient and trash-bound. She frames this as an admission of collective disorientation, with social media's rapid trend cycles—exemplified by Labubu's shift from niche art to global frenzy—exacerbating alienation by prioritizing fleeting dopamine hits over enduring value.

Views on Feminism and Identity Politics

Tolentino has expressed reservations about the trajectory of contemporary , particularly its alignment with capitalist individualism and . In a 2017 New Yorker review of Jessa Crispin's Why I Am Not a Feminist, she endorsed the critique that has devolved into a "self-serving brand" enabling women to "participate equally in the of the powerless and the poor," prioritizing personal empowerment over collective accountability. She argued that this manifests as a "narcissistic reflexive thought process," where self-identification as feminist imbues individual choices with political virtue while sidestepping broader systemic engagement. In her essay collection , Tolentino extended this analysis to how market-friendly reinforces the "tyranny of the ideal woman" through self-optimization imperatives, such as boutique fitness classes costing $40 per session and apparel priced at $98 per item. She contended that has not dismantled these pressures but embedded them deeper, transforming resistance into seamless participation in commodified self-improvement, amplified by social media's demand for curated images of productivity and beauty. Despite these critiques, Tolentino has affirmed core feminist aims, viewing movements like #MeToo—launched in October 2017—as a "tangible consequence" of feminism's mainstreaming, advancing awareness of and equity. In a 2018 reflection marking its first anniversary, she highlighted #MeToo's role in amplifying women's voices against harassment but cautioned that such speech remains constrained by expectations of deference, contrasting with men's unchecked expressions of anger, as seen in the 2018 hearings. She described this as a backlash aimed at preserving power hierarchies, quoting Susan Faludi's analysis of preemptive resistance to women's equality. Regarding identity politics, Tolentino's commentary intersects with her broader examination of digital self-presentation, portraying it as a performative arena where identities are commodified and distorted. In Trick Mirror's essays on social media, she illustrates how platforms foster "identity capitalism," turning personal narratives into optimized content for engagement, which bleeds into political discourse by prioritizing viral authenticity over substantive critique. This echoes her feminist concerns, as online identity politics often amplifies individualistic displays—such as branded empowerment—while diluting collective action, though she stops short of rejecting the framework outright, instead emphasizing its vulnerability to algorithmic exploitation. In literary analysis, as in the essay "Pure Heroines," she probes how female characters' identities in fiction reflect real-world tensions between agency and imposed narratives, underscoring feminism's incomplete liberation from stereotypical constraints.

Political Commentary and Positions

Tolentino has frequently commented on American electoral politics through the lens of cultural and gender dynamics, particularly in the context of the 2024 presidential election between and . In a November 2024 New Yorker dispatch, she argued that both campaigns framed the contest as a gendered , with emphasizing appeals to male voters through promises of economic strength and resistance to perceived female empowerment, while Harris positioned abortion rights as central to women's autonomy post-Dobbs. Tolentino contended that this polarization exacerbated divisions, predicting further erosion of abortion access under a second Trump administration, though she attributed broader societal gender tensions to internet-amplified echo chambers rather than policy alone. Following 's re-election on November 5, 2024, Tolentino critiqued emerging right-wing , such as the "Your body, my choice," adopted by some young male conservatives to mock rights advocates. She described this as an example of irony-saturated discourse among the "irony-poisoned right," linking it to narratives celebrating male voters' support for Trump as a rejection of norms. In her analysis, such slogans reflect not substantive policy advocacy but a performative backlash against feminist gains, amplified by online communities. Tolentino's broader political stance draws from her essays on how distorts public discourse, as explored in her 2019 book , where she examines social media's role in fostering performative activism and eroding genuine political engagement across ideologies. She has expressed optimism for radical shifts, stating in a 2020 interview that instability could revive political imagination through "" and collective reevaluation, though without endorsing specific partisan platforms. Her upbringing in a devout Christian environment informs a view of as a moral practice, yet her commentary consistently prioritizes critiques of conservative cultural resistance over systemic leftist shortcomings.

Controversies and Criticisms

Church-Affiliated Nonprofit Involvement

Tolentino grew up immersed in the Second Baptist Church, a prominent evangelical in , , which her family joined after immigrating from in the early 1990s. The church, a 501(c)(3) affiliated with the , operates multiple campuses, a K-12 , and extensive community programs including youth ministries, mission outreach, and educational initiatives. Tolentino attended Second Baptist School from elementary through high school, where church activities were integrated into daily life, fostering a environment of mandatory chapel services, Bible classes, and extracurriculars like and youth group events. In her personal essay "Losing Religion and Finding Ecstasy in ," published in on May 20, 2019, Tolentino details her active participation in the church's nonprofit-affiliated programs during her formative years, including weekly gatherings focused on , summer trips to spread the , and communal experiences that emphasized emotional intensity and . These activities, supported by the church's nonprofit structure which relies on tithes and donations exceeding millions annually, shaped her early amid a community of over 20,000 members across campuses. She describes the church's "Repentagon"—a for its expansive facilities—as a self-contained blending , recreation, and , where nonprofit-funded events like concerts and retreats reinforced doctrinal teachings on , salvation, and prosperity. Tolentino's longstanding ties to this church environment have drawn scrutiny in critiques of her later secular and progressive writings, with some observers arguing that her evangelical roots—despite her explicit rejection of organized by her late teens—inform an underlying moral framework evident in her essays on , , and culture. For instance, commentators have noted ironic parallels between the megachurch's emphasis on personal and communal delusion, as explored in her work (2019), and her critiques of modern in consumer and digital spheres. However, Tolentino has framed her departure from the faith as a gradual disillusionment triggered by doctrinal inconsistencies and personal experiences, rather than ideological opposition, maintaining that the church's nonprofit-driven provided both formative benefits and eventual . No evidence indicates professional employment or ongoing adult involvement with the organization or similar entities.

Accusations of Ideological Bias

Critics, particularly from conservative publications, have accused Jia Tolentino of displaying left-wing ideological bias in her journalism, arguing that her work at The New Yorker prioritizes progressive narratives over balanced inquiry, especially in coverage of sexual misconduct, cultural norms, and political activism. In a 2017 analysis of the #MeToo movement, National Review highlighted Tolentino's essay claiming that hearing an in-person allegation from a stranger against a celebrity carries more persuasive weight than a detailed written accusation against an ordinary individual, interpreting this as reflective of a broader media tendency to presume guilt without due process, aligned with partisan incentives to amplify accusations against prominent conservatives or cultural figures. Similar critiques have targeted her 2025 New Yorker article questioning whether young people are having "enough sex," with The Federalist responding that Tolentino's framing promotes a liberal ethic of sexual liberation while downplaying risks of casual encounters, such as emotional detachment and regret, in favor of viewing abstinence or restraint as pathological—a stance seen as ideologically driven rather than empirically grounded. Detractors contend this exemplifies how her essays embed assumptions of progressive moral superiority, sidelining data on rising rates of sexually transmitted infections (up 30% among youth from 2016 to 2021 per CDC reports) or mental health correlations with hookup culture. More recently, in October 2025, faced accusations of performative leftism after promoting —a company boycotted by pro-Palestinian groups like for operations in —while publicly identifying as pro-Palestine on , prompting claims in The Canadian Jewish News of selective outrage and hypocrisy typical of elite progressive hypocrisy, where ideological signaling trumps consistent application of principles like anti-capitalist boycotts. Such instances, critics argue, reveal a toward institutional left-leaning outlets' norms, where of allies is minimized compared to conservative targets, as evidenced by her post-2024 election commentary framing right-wing slogans like "Your Body, My Choice" as ironic poison rather than substantive policy pushback. has not directly responded to these specific bias charges, though she has elsewhere advocated focusing less on journalists' personal politics and more on systemic .

Responses to Stylistic and Substantive Critiques

Tolentino's stylistic approach in essays and (2019) has drawn accusations of excessive and performative emotionalism, with critic labeling it "hysterical criticism" in a 2020 review, arguing that personal anecdotes dominate and undermine analytical rigor by refracting all observations through Tolentino's experiences. In response to this piece, Tolentino tweeted on January 15, 2020: "I’ve been idly waiting since my book came out for a truly scathing review of my bullshit… a cleansing, illuminating experience to be read with such open disgust!" This public acknowledgment framed the critique as anticipated and oddly affirming, prioritizing personal resilience over point-by-point rebuttal. Other stylistic detractors, such as those in Mangoprism (2020), have described her as "faux," enabling evasion of deeper scrutiny by centering the author's . Tolentino has countered such views indirectly in interviews, defending her as a deliberate embrace of subjectivity to capture internet-era fragmentation; in a ELLE discussion, she explained aiming for "strong arguments with no conclusions," using essay endings as "refractions" to evoke unresolved cultural tensions rather than tidy resolutions. This aligns with her broader practice of integrating and to avoid , as she articulated in a Creative Independent interview, valuing writing "for the sake of writing" over prescriptive outcomes. Substantive critiques often target perceived shallowness in addressing , , and , with a 2019 Los Angeles Review of Books analysis faulting Trick Mirror for "blurry feminism" that substitutes cultural commentary for , allowing to obscure political specificity. Tolentino has responded by emphasizing empirical self-examination over ideological ; in a 2021 PBS interview, she credited advice against prolonged rumination— "talk or think about something for so long that you neglect your freedom"—as liberating her from overly abstract traps, enabling grounded, action-oriented prose informed by lived contradictions like her evangelical upbringing and online labor. This approach, she has maintained, fosters causal realism by tracing personal delusions to systemic incentives, as evidenced in her essays' focus on verifiable phenomena like athleisure's commodification of wellness. Defenders and Tolentino herself highlight the intentional ambiguity as a strength against dogmatic critique, with her 2020 Stanford Gender talk underscoring writing's role in navigating late capitalism's self-shaping forces without false objectivity. She has avoided direct confrontations, instead reinforcing substantive depth through iterative at The New Yorker, where pieces like her 2019 ecstasy essay integrate pharmacological data and sociological evidence to substantiate claims of altered under pressure. Critics' demands for conclusiveness, in this view, miss the essays' aim to mirror readers' own delusions, a meta-strategy Tolentino deems essential for truth-seeking amid biased institutional narratives.

Reception and Legacy

Positive Assessments and Influence

Tolentino's essay collection : Reflections on Self-Delusion (2019) received widespread acclaim for its incisive analysis of contemporary amid digital and consumer pressures, becoming a Times bestseller. Critics praised its bold, playful style and Tolentino's talent in dissecting topics from to feminist tropes, with describing it as a work from a "hugely talented ." Similarly, the lauded the book's "blade-sharp metaphors" crafted with "the precision of a heart surgeon," positioning it as a clarifying guide through internet-era chaos. In 2020, Tolentino was awarded the Whiting Award for nonfiction, recognizing her as one of ten emerging writers for contributions that blend with cultural critique, including Trick Mirror's exploration of scams, ecstasy, and the "cult of the difficult woman." She also received the Jeannette Haien Ballard Prize that year, honoring her essayistic voice on modern delusions. Reviewers highlighted her relatable humor and sharpness, with one noting the collection's "razor-sharp, wickedly funny" prose that prompted extensive reader engagement. Tolentino's influence extends to shaping discourse on internet-driven hypocrisies and capitalist byproducts in culture, as seen in her essays that digest vast information into accessible insights, blurring autobiography with broader societal analysis. Her work has been credited with advancing "hysterical criticism," an evolved form of cultural commentary that interrogates irony and moral contradictions in like , influencing how younger writers approach pop culture's political undercurrents. Publications such as described as an "expertly navigated" index of ills permeating values and identity, underscoring her role in prompting reflections on self and society.

Negative Evaluations and Counterarguments

Critics of Jia Tolentino's essay collection (2019) have faulted its structure for prioritizing autobiographical elements over rigorous analysis, arguing that this self-centering dilutes broader commentary on themes like and digital culture. In a review, asserted that Tolentino's essays falter by interpreting cultural phenomena through an overwhelmingly personal lens, where "everything [becomes] about her," leading to interpretations that prioritize subjective experience over objective scrutiny. Oyler highlighted instances where Tolentino's humor serves as a shield, deflecting deeper engagement with inconsistencies in her own ideological commitments, such as the tension between critiquing consumer and participating in its circuits. This critique extends to accusations of stylistic superficiality, with Oyler describing Tolentino's prose as reliant on performative vulnerability that obscures rather than illuminates, exemplified in essays on and schemes where personal complicity is acknowledged but not dissected causally. Similarly, a analysis characterized Tolentino's feminist framework as "blurry," contending that it overloads womanhood with symbolic freight—denied depth historically, now "impossibly" laden—without furnishing precise mechanisms for navigating or reforming the structures she identifies, such as performance or institutional power dynamics. Counterarguments to 's acclaim as a penetrating cultural observer posit that her influence owes more to resonance with elite media consensus than to novel insights, with detractors noting a pattern of essays that rehearse familiar progressive without empirical novelty or falsifiable claims. For instance, Oyler implied that the collection's reception as revelatory reflects a cultural moment where self-reflexive irony substitutes for substantive , allowing to critique systems like social media's "opposition principle" while thriving within The New Yorker's institutional ecosystem. Such evaluations challenge the narrative of her work as transformative, suggesting instead that it mirrors prevailing biases in outlets like The New Yorker, where left-leaning assumptions about power and victimhood go unexamined, potentially amplifying echo-chamber effects over causal analysis of societal trends.

Personal Life

Marriage and Family Dynamics

Tolentino met Andrew Daley, an architect, while both were students at the . Their relationship, which began as a long-term , culminated in in November 2021, a decision Tolentino described as unexpected and strange-feeling in a year-end reflection. Prior to marriage, Tolentino expressed toward the in her 2019 "I Thee Dread," critiquing its historical and cultural burdens on women while grappling with personal reservations shaped by her evangelical upbringing and broader feminist skepticism. The couple has two daughters: Paloma, born on August 7, 2020, weighing 6 pounds 9 ounces, and , born around mid-2023 following Tolentino's publicly announced earlier that year. Tolentino and Daley also shared a named , adopted in 2011 and euthanized in October 2023 at approximately 12.5 years old due to age-related decline. In reflections on family life, Tolentino has framed and parenthood not as threats to individual identity—as she once viewed them through lenses of religious expectations and societal pressures—but as avenues for profound , akin to "" experienced in religious or psychedelic contexts. She has noted initial theoretical toward childbearing, influenced by her church community's emphasis on early and large , yet expressed gladness post-facto, citing the immersive dissolution of self in child-rearing as unexpectedly fulfilling. This shift underscores a dynamic where family roles facilitate deeper relational and existential , contrasting her earlier writings' wariness of institutional traps.

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